Before & After Marriage

Before the marriage (getting married soon) :


He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.


She: Do you want me to leave?


He: NO! Don't even think about it.


She: Do you love me?


He: Of course!


She: Have you ever cheated on me?


He: NO! Why you even asking?


She: Will you kiss me?


He: Yes!


She: Will you hit me?


He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!


She: Can I trust you?


Now, after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top !!!

Technorati: Marriage Humour, Funny Joke

Why i want to RESIGN!!!

Technorati: Funny Office Joke, Humour, Funny, Joke

Humour for Husband and Wife

A letter of Husband to Wife:

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses...
You are my sweetheart.


Your husband
Allen

########################################################
His Wife replied after some days to her Husband

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1) The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2) The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3) Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.

4) Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.

5) Other expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart.

Technorati: Humour, Husband, Wife

Funny Jokes

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"
________________________________________________________________

Wife: " Sir, I would like to call on my husband who left me and brought all
our five kids with him."
Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"
Wife: " Sweetheart, please return back all the kids, actually only one of
them is yours."
_______________________________________________________________

Hello! I'm here again. My mind is all muddlled up. I just want to
ask something. I know that you will be able to help me out.
Is BIRDS FLU the past tense of BIRDS FLY?
_______________________________________________________________

You were riding a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is
very loud. Every time you farted, you timed i t with the music.
When you were going down the bus, everybody were throwing dagger
looks at you, and you suddenly realized . . . . . that you have your MP3
player on your ears!
______________________________________________________________

WIFE: It's a miracle! You came home early.
HUSBAND: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do. He said: "GO TO HELL",
that's why I came home early.
_______________________________________________________________

1st night grandma wore a see-thru dress, grandpa didn't react...
2nd night grandma wore t-back, grandpa still didn't react...
3rd night grandma all naked, grandpa said "what is that you are
wearing, it's all crumpled!!"
_______________________________________________________________

John: it's my wife's birthday
Peter: what's your gift to her?
John: i asked her what she wanted
Peter: what did she said?
J: anything, as long as there is a DIAMOND.
P: what did you gave her?
J: playing cards

Technorati: Funny, Joke

Judge & lawyer

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit.

Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.

So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.

The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed.

"If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"

Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client.

The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?",

The partner asked. " But I did send them,"

Replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the complainant's lawyer's business card !"

Technorati: Judge, Lawyer, Humour, Funny, Entertainment

Hidden Cameras...!!!

Joanna caught her husband George searching high and low all around his living room.

Joanna: 'What are you searching for?'

George: 'Hidden cameras!'

Joanna: 'And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?'

George: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching MTV! How does he know that?'

Technorati: MTV, Humour, Funny, Entertainment

Are you kidding?

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation,14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

Technorati: Engineer, Humour, Funny, Entertainment

Nice Poems written by wife to husband

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. then
I wrote your name on my Heart & i got Heart Attack

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

The rain makes all things lovely.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things lovely.
Why doesn't it rain on you?

Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo,
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too,
Not in cage but laughing at you.

Technorati: Poem, Wife, husband, Humour, funny, entertainment

Lost in Translation...?!

Joke 1
A guy calls the telephone operator:
Guy: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Guy: "Thank you."
The Guy answered and cut off the line.

Joke 2
At a bar in New York, the man sat next to a chinese guy told the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
and his companion said, "JACK DANIELS,SINGLE."
The bartender turned to chinese guy and asked, "AND YOU, SIR?"
The chinese guy replied: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."


Joke 3
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime,
John proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," John said.
"FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long." the friend asked.
John replied, "No, it is not long at all, look ! at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years".


Joke 4
James had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems.
After a few attempts, he decided to use the 'Help' command.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer shop for support.
James : "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me...."


Joke 5
John with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and
he answered," I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to the other ear?"
John: "That stupid fellow called back again !"


Joke 6
Why did Johnny go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because according to the advertisement, below 18 is not allowed to go in...

Technorati: Joke, Humour, Entertainment, Funny

Somethings To Ponder....

Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...

When guys are in love, they become poor...
When girls are in love, they become pretty...

Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget...

Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love...

Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man...

Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her...

When guys are hearthbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are hearthbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy...

Guys wish to be her first love...
Girls wish to be his last love...


"Women are nothing but trouble, and Men are nothing but trouble seekers"

Technorati: Guys, Girls, Men, Women

Joke for Geologist

Technorati: joke, humour, lunch, geologist